TRUTH!

I'm going to be really honest here in this post because I need to let it out so I can move on!

So ever since I was sick a few weeks ago I have had NO desire to do any weight training. I can't explain it. And I have no idea where that is coming from. I have only done weights once or twice in the past 2 weeks. I enjoyed it once I went but I'm really not motivated at all to do weights or any kind of resistance training at all. I haven't been motivated at all to do any kind of working out, to be honest. In fact these are my workouts for the last 2 weeks (going backwards):
Today - Zumba (1 1/2 hours - first time taking it and it was FUN!)
Wednesday - Blading (inline skating for those that don't know) for about an hour or so
Sunday - Track workout
Saturday - Weights
Tuesday - Pilates
Monday - Blading
Saturday - Stairs
So as you can see not much in the working out realm.

And then my food has been wickety whack! Haha! Really I've been eating too much, enjoying too much of the not so healthy food, eating sweets, white bread, oil, fries..yep...that's the truth! I don't believe any of those things are bad for you really. But when you're eating a lot of these foods and pretty much daily then you're in trouble. Combine my very unhealthy eating with my lack of working out and well, I don't feel so great. And it's in this moment that I realize I am definitely not concerned about how I look but truly about how I feel. I feel bloated, dehydrated, swollen...just not good. I understand what's going on here. It's not any shock to me at all. I didn't really "let myself go" but I just haven't been motivated and then the less my clothes fit and the more weight I gain the less motivated I become.

I'm in a vicious cycle that many competitors experience but never talk about. I'm here to talk about it. When I write things like this I definitely worry about others judging me but I have to let that go. I can't hide what's really going on. And I have definitely found that the more open and honest I am the more it helps others that are experiencing similar struggles without an outlet like the one I have, this blog. It's not a pretty picture and it's not something even I want to admit but it's necessary for me. Since I use this as some sort of journal it's important to me to document what is really going on with me, my body and my mind.

So after feeling like poop I know what I need to do:
1) First and foremost, I need to be more grateful for my amazing body and all it does for me!
2) Accept that this is yet another journey I am on. I took a journey to the stage and now I'm taking a journey back to balance.
3) Forgive myself for what I've done to my body and mind. It's okay. I didn't know any better. And as Oprah always says, "When you know better, you do better."
4) Accept my body just as it is right now. Don't berate myself, beat myself up, or wish it into a different state. Accept it and love it for what it is right now. Why loathe something that has done so much good for me?
5) Start taking actions with my eating and activity that make me feel better. Cook healthy foods for myself that are also tasty. Do some resistance work of some sort even if it's just with bands and bodyweight at home.
6) Walk at least 3 times a week. Breathe some fresh(ish) air and go inside.
7) Get more sleep. Turn off all the electronics and get to bed early! How many times have I tried to learn this lesson? Let's not count, okay?
8) Take care of myself. Treat my body as it deserves to be treated! This basically sums up numbers 1-7 but I need to reiterate it for myself.

So I'm learning and growing. And I do understand more and more how your food choices affect your activity ability and level and vice versa. Hope you are all having a fantastic Labor Day Weekend! Yay! I don't have to work Monday! Woot woot! LOVE that! :-)