Listening...and patience...and listening...UGH!!

So, let me ask you this. Do you listen to your body? If so, how long have you been doing that? If not, why not? If there's one regret I have about contest prep, it's that I lost my ability to listen to my body where food is concerned. I remember when I first started eating my 7 meals a day. Well, how normal is that? Um, in my opinion, that's not very normal nor very necessary in everyday life. When I first started I would almost gag when I had to finish my meal because it was just way too much food. I was ignoring all signs my body was giving me that I was satiated. But at the time that was what I needed to do...or so I thought. I have since learned of healthier ways to go through contest prep but that's neither here nor there. I'm just referring to my own experience of my contest prep.

I also had to ignore my body when it said it was tired and when it said it wasn't okay working out. That was the program my coach had given me. I didn't know better. Now I do. Yes, there is some "going against the grain" with contest prep no matter who your coach is but what I have learned is there can me much less damaging and harmful ways to do it than the way I did. Regardless though, what's done is done. So now I have to relearn to listen to my body.

This is SO MUCH HARDER than I thought it would be. I used to be good about listening to my body about what it wanted to eat and also when to stop. As far as my physical abilities I was NOT good at listening to my body and on many occasion pushed myself into further injury because I thought whatever body part was hurting would heal up. I've gotten a lot better about listening to my physical pain and I'm also getting really good again at listening to what my body wants. What I'm really struggling with and really need patience to help me is listening to when to stop eating. That's my difficulty right now. Oh yes! So much harder than it seems. Who would have thought THAT would be difficult? But I guess when you're forcing yourself to eat then your body and mind are going to follow along with that as long as they can. So while I'm definitely showing improvement in listening to what to eat, I also need to listen to when to stop. So that's my main focus right now for me and food.

The great thing about listening to your body is eating different foods you've forgotten about and just enjoying food once again. It's so great! The most interesting thing to me is that in listening to my body I don't always want french fries and chips. That IS a shock to me!! :-)  I thought I would. But when you are allowed to eat whatever you want, what you want will constantly change. What a beautiful thing!

So I'm feeling pretty good in general and I'm more and more grateful for my body and its abilities every day. I haven't been in the gym much. Not for any particular reason but just not in the mood and that's okay. Today is so beautiful that I have to go blading. It's too pretty not to do that so off I go. Just wanted to update you and urge you to listen to your body particularly about hunger, satiety, pain, and pleasure! Just my two cents!

What's the title gonna be? I have NO idea!

Sometimes I want to blog but can't come up with a good title. Today is just one of those days. I've had some interesting and enlightening conversations over the past week or so. I love good friends and good conversation. Nothing like it! I learn so much from friends who help me stay out of my bubble and my "world" as I know it. Although I do like living in MY world sometimes, it would be boring to live in it all the time!

Well, I went from really not doing any weights for a couple of weeks to doing them on Saturday in a full body workout at a new gym I was trying out. I am going to try that gym out for a free week's pass but not this week and I'll probably end up joining it. It's more expensive than my cheap gym. It's a boutique gym but it has all kinds of fun equipment and it's super duper clean...unbelievably clean for a gym. I think I'll like it there. I'll decide for certain when I'm finished with my free trial week. But the best part of my workout is my friend did a session of FST (fascia stretch therapy) on me following my workout. I truly think I'm going to have to look into getting that regularly. After that therapy my energy was high AND I had NO DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) the next day which is shocking considering how hard I worked out and the fact that I hadn't worked out for a while. Amazing and I will let you know if I get it again if I respond the same again.

In the meantime I'm still doing what feels good and right for me. That's been kind of challenging for me. I still overeat sometimes and undereat at other times. Kind of weird but I'm learning or should I say relearning how to eat to my needs and enjoy, truly enjoy, my food.

I'm enjoying my life and really "living" again which is good. We went and worked out at the track yesterday. That was good but it was pretty warm. Fun though. Love track workouts! We went to the Ford Amphitheater last night to see this Rhythm and Roots Performance. It was surprisingly good! It was a cool mix of Israeli and African American song and dance. The choreography was fantastic and the music was great. I've never been to that venue before and it's a GREAT venue, similar to the Hollywood Bowl but much more intimate. It was a lot of fun! We even got to have a little picnic before at one of their tables there. And yes, I did finally get to eat my bread with salami, cheese, and grapes! I'm funny!  LOVE that though. And we had some yummy Italian sparkling wine as well. Great night and nice to be outside enjoying L.A. Loved it!

I was tired today though since I didn't sleep enough last night since I was home at about 11:30/11:45 or so. Late for me. I went to the DMV today and renewed my license. Yes, my birthday's coming up so I had to do that. I can't believe I've been living in L.A. for 10 years! Crazy!! That's about it. I'm going to really try to cook something this week and I'll let you know what it is. Can't wait to see myself! :-)

And finally...I can take a breath!

*************MAJOR RAMBLING WARNING!!!!!*************

Wow! The past week was insanity and a true test of my patience. I passed...but NOT with flying colors! Just briefly, we were getting our carpet redone in our office. At the same time we were archiving patients that haven't been in for a long time. This created extra work for me and I ended up working on my day off for 11 1/2 hours and the next day for 11 hours. Then came Monday, when we got to see that the carpet was NOT the carpet it was supposed to be. NOT good. Not sure if we'll be getting that redone or not. And then we're on to Tuesday. Get into work. Lazy coworker hasn't picked up the messages on the voicemail. So I have to do that. Computer guy comes in to bridge one software with another. And he WIPES OUT OUR DATABASE!!!! Are you JOKING me?!? Luckily we had a backup from the night before but it takes about 6-7 hours to restore it! UGH! So I was at work for another 12-hour day. Oh...but in the meantime when I went home for lunch I drove over a long piece of metal that wrapped halfway around my tire (new in March, by the way) and punctured it at each end of the metal! AWESOME! So I tried to drive to the tire place but the metal broke at some point and was hitting the wheel well so I had to stop. Then I had to get my quickly flattening tire replaced with the fine donut that you get with your car! Haha! A very nice man stopped and replaced it for me. I drove to the tire place and got it fixed and then it was back to work. After our data was restored at about 5:30pm I still had to check the software on the computer that the computer guy had originally come to fix and guess what? It wasn't working right!!!!! So then it was another hour plus long call with tech support for THAT software! Yeah, I finally left the office at almost 8:00! Ridiculous!

So yesterday I still had to work about an hour or so on my day off again but then it was time to relax and unwind. I went for an assessment to see why my right hip/lower back has been so tight! Well, my TFL (tensor fasciae latae) and gluteus medius as well as my IT band are tight ...super tight and also it's overactive and my left quad is "lazy". So I really have to get on the foam roller every single day and roll the heck out of that IT band. I've been slacking on that a little. I learned that I'm rolling too quickly too so probably rolling right over the tight spots and not helping as much as I could. I also still have a chronic rotator cuff problem so need to work on that too. But the good news is that I'm not as messed up as I thought I was. Yeah for me! After my assessment I had a massage, went to lunch with my brother, and then I took a nap...aaaaahhhhhh...and then started reading my book. It was a great day! I was in bed super early but oddly didn't sleep that well. Boohoo. :-(

I haven't been working out too much since my schedule was a little CUCKOO over the past week. Saturday I did run (maybe I should say walked) the Santa Monica Stairs. And yes, my calves were sore yet once again. Dang calves! And today I'm going blading after work because I just want to! I haven't done any weights in forever but I think I'm getting ready to get back into that again. Just needed a break I think and just wasn't in the mood. Did mat pilates on Monday and that felt great too.

I think I'll be back in the gym on Saturday. Feeling like I need a change of pace so I'm going to look into a couple of gyms. I feel like I want to do some group classes since I kind of miss them lately. We'll see what happens. I'll keep you all posted. I haven't been eating that much since I haven't been working out that much. Yesterday I did have some yucca fries with my lunch...HOLY COW! Those were soooooo delicious!!!!!

Advice for husbands/boyfriends of wives/girlfriends: This advice is based off of talking to many girls, my BF, and my brother. Guys are so good at planning dates at the beginning of the dating period, right? And then what happens? Who knows? But then all of the sudden the girls are making the decisions about dates and planning the dates. To be honest, I don't mind planning dates because I am a "planner" kind of person. However, every once in a while I like my BF to just plan it so I "don't have to think about it" and "don't have to make a decision" except maybe about what I'm going to order off the menu. The 3 key points to keep in mind when planning:

1) We will be happy with anything if we don't have to plan it - well, not anything...of course you'll have to use good judgement but almost anything

2) It doesn't matter to us where we go as long as we are with you and having a good time - in other words, it's probably not best to plan a date that consists of an argument while in difference cities. LOL!

3) Don't give us a decision. We don't want it. Just state what we're going to do and that will be that. Promise we'll be happy! As long as you don't start out telling us what we're going to be doing with "I was thinking" or "what would you rather" or "what do you think of". 

I've had this conversation before with my boyfriend and several girlfriends. But I was reminded of it yesterday when I had the same conversation with my brother. He proceeded to tell me how stressful it is. How he has to get online for over an hour just to figure out the "right" restaurant. Haha! We had a good laugh over that. So, guys, do yourself a favor and don't stress out so much. We females are much easier to please than you think! Or at least some of us are. :-)

That's my update for now. Hopefully I'll be taking more pics again and get back into blogging more often and doing some new/different workouts! I'll keep you posted. Have a great rest of your week everyone! Ciao for now!

Healthy body...fit mind!

I've finally made a decision that's okay with me. I've been battling my post-comp psychotic body-image long enough. It's time to just be. Just be me and live my life. I'll be my happy self again one day. And I'll learn to love me and my body again. I'll learn to find extreme gratitude in simple and/or basic things that I experience and learn about myself. It's important and it's necessary. I have made a decision to never compete again. I can't do that to myself again. Before I ever competed I think I was sane. Now post-competition I think of myself as a little psychotic and loony. I spent so many months worrying about me, only me, my food, my workouts, my sleep, my feelings, my world...nothing else seemed to matter. Yes, I have read that there are other ways to do it and it doesn't need to consume your life but what's done is done and that was the way it was for me. And then post-comp you go back to realizing that it's not all about you. Not in the least.

And then (and for me...FINALLY!) you start remembering that it's about living...truly living! Taking long walks in your beautiful neighborhood because you want to and because you LOVE the smell of night jasmine in the air or the smell of roses or gardenias and not because you need some LISS cardio. Eating crackers, cheese, salami, and grapes along with a glass of wine as dinner because it brings back great memories and is also delicious! Rollerblading because it is something I truly truly love! Doing pilates and/or yoga because again it is something I enjoy. Or taking a dance class. How about Indo-Row? What happened to that? Haven't taken that forEVER! So as you see my life was much much fuller before I competed. I did all kinds of activities and had a full social calendar. It's not that way anymore and I'm done with that life.

I want to have fun, make brunch and have friends and family over to relax, unwind and ENJOY great food! Not because it has the right macronutrient makeup but because the flavors are TO DIE FOR!!! Yep! That's where I'm going now. I know I had written in my last post that I was going to be in 100% but I guess I'm allowed to change my mind. And so I have. I'm starting here and I'm going places at my own pace. And I'm finding the ME that makes me the happiest. I know what it takes to be super lean and fit. Do I want that? No. The simple answer to that is no. I don't.

I want a body that is healthy and a mind that is fit. In other words, whatever ideas I had when I started my contest prep are gone. I don't want to worry every minute of every day about what to eat when or why. I don't want to have to worry about getting to the gym for a certain number of workouts. I'm not being rebellious. I'm just going with what feels good. WOW! I've learned a lot about myself recently. I think back to the times when I was happiest. And about 5 years ago or so I was happy as a clam. I went to aerobics when I wanted. I rarely did weights (because I really didn't know what I was doing at the time). I dabbled in yoga, pilates, hiking, inline skating, biking, dancing, swimming, etc. And guess what? My body AND mind felt great! I was happy. I enjoyed life. I was an average size with some average muscle but at the end of the day when I went to sleep...I felt great. I remember occasionally cooking with cream and butter. I remember eating fruit. But mostly I remember being happy and enjoying food and being active! Fit I may or may not have been. Active and healthy I certainly was. And guess what?!? I'm going to go back there. That is a space I mentally and physically want to reclaim. And so I will.

I did my figure competition and I did the post-comp blues and now I'm doing me. I'm sure I will struggle since having some fat on my body is something I'm still struggling with that didn't really bother me before. One day fairly soon I'll write my story of how I came to be physically and emotionally the person I am today. And today, Friday, August 19th, will be a jumping off day for me. The day I start to fall in love with myself, say kind things to myself, and truly appreciate my body not for how it looks but how incredibly amazing and fantastic I feel. Yep! Today's the day!

Here's to a healthy body and a fit mind. It's a beautiful balance of the best life has to offer! And so from today forward my life (and therefore my blog) will be going in a different direction. I will be living my life in the healthiest way I know possible and not beating myself up mentally to be something physically that is abnormal. Sure you look great when you compete and you've taken yourself to that super lean state. But do you feel great? I felt good but I was tired all the time and hungry. And while those are normal ways to be at times, being that way every day, day in and day out, is not normal. I hope some of you will still follow me as I live my life to the fullest! And experience it with joy and wonderment...just as it's supposed to be! Thanks to all of you that are always supportive and comment on my posts. You are all so wonderful! THANKS!

Crunchy Shrimp Salad

Crunchy Shrimp Salad

4 oz broiled shrimp (shrimp, cayenne, paprika, fresh pressed garlic)

1 scallion

1 shallot

1/2 yellow bell pepper

1 Persian cucumber

Juice of 1 lime

1 teaspoon honey

sea salt to taste

Small dice all veggies and chop shrimp. Mix all together in a bowl. DELICIOUS!

Are you in or are you out?

I'M IN! ALL IN!

So, here's the deal. As you all know since you read my every word and every post (no, really, I'm kidding here!) I have a new plan. And for the first two weeks I was in...100% on! Or was it 95%? Can't remember but I do remember that I felt good and the plan was good. Actually I think that was for the first three weeks or so. Elbow was healing and I was starting full body workouts. But then somewhere along the way around the end of the third week into the fourth week I started losing direction, had some emotional/financial stress and to be honest, diet was probably only about 70% on. And then I got sick! Sooooo not fun! And then I got better...so much fun! So I was running on the "I feel so alive, happy, well" adrenaline that I was going to go out and conquer the world. And it was back to the gym for a couple of workouts and then I missed one because of a prior commitment, missed another one for some other reason (can't even remember) and I was just off my game...just like that *poof* my magic faded!

Well fast forward to yesterday. I was back on track in a big way. In fact, these were my meals yesterday:
1) Yogurt with berries and nuts
2) Chocolate Protein Muffins with 1 tablespoon peanut butter
3) 3 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 1/2 cup oatmeal, zucchini, shallots and tomatoes
4) 1 slice Ezekiel raisin bread with 1 tablespoon coconut oil, 1 bell pepper
5) 1/2 cup brown rice, 4 oz shrimp
6) Yam Protein Smoothie w/ 3 oz yams

See...quite a good food day, I must admit. And then today happened. Off to a great start and then on a slippery slope downhill. How and why? I'm not sure but I'll tell you only this...I zipped up my belly fat in my pants zipper today! Yep! That was nothing if not depressing! Seriously? Could someone PLEASE tell me who does that?!?

So my meals today looked a little scary:
1) Matcha Protein Shake, 1 cup spelt flakes cereal, 8 cashews
2) 1 cup Voskos 2% yogurt, 1 cup mixed berries, stevia, 11 almonds
3) 2 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 1 andouille chicken sausage, zucchini, tomatoes
4) 2 slices Ezekiel cinnamon bread with 1 1/2 tablespoons coconut oil
5) ...this is where it gets scary...some cashews, some cocoa roasted almonds, some dry roasted peanuts...and then I thought I better eat dinner and even though I had cooked shrimp ready to go...this is what I had...
Dinner: 1 bowl (most likely about 2 cups) of Puffins cinnamon cereal and about 15 almonds w/ almond milk
Dessert followed since that wasn't really dessert, and it was 1 more slice of Ezekiel cinnamon raisin bread with more coconut oil!

Now I know this is a very impressive meal plan and one most of you would like to emulate. But you can't have it, it's mine.

So while wallowing in self-pity and talking to my BF and BFF (hahaha - I soooo don't like that term) on separate conversations and both of them telling me that I know what I need to do, I had to step back and ask myself if I DID indeed know what I'm supposed to do. Do you know what the answer is? It's yes, a resounding yes! I guess I really do know what I need to do. I have to incorporate my plan and stick to it 95% on diet and 100% on workouts. So with this realization came the fact that I am the only one that is in charge of me and my body and I had to ask myself the question that is the title of this post...AM I IN OR AM I OUT?!? And I'm in! So...that's it! Starting tomorrow I'm in 100%. For one month I'm following MY meal plan and MY workout plan and MY rest and recovery plan because that, my dear friends, is what absolutely has to be done.

Do I think I have some metabolic damage? Yes. I would say that pretty much everyone I know that has ever done a competition has either some form of metabolic damage OR some form of body dysmorphia. I think I have a fine combination of both. After one month of full compliance I will reevaluate and see where I stand, check my mental stability and see how I feel. If I feel like I'm still holding an unusual amount of fat and/or not losing fat I will have to reconsider my plan, make a few tweaks and then try again for 2-4 weeks. At that point, if I still feel like I'm holding fat and I feel "gross" like I do now, then and only then, will I get some blood tests to determine if there's something more going on.

So, as the saying goes...

Who's with me here? Can I get a whoop whoop?!? Let's do this thing!! Join me and Luther! We're going to have a PARTY and there ain't no stopping us now!!

Being Nice...how hard is it?

One of our patients at my work passed away last month at the age of 89, married for 63 years with numerous children and grandchildren, and a very genuine and kind man. His family found something in his desk that he had started writing about his life. His wife gave us an abbreviated copy of it. It was only 2 pages long but it was a beautiful piece of writing. I'm writing a few of my more favorite points below:

* I believe in the dignity of labor.
* While in the process of being educated, a most redeeming byproduct is the association with others from all backgrounds, understanding man's responsibilities to his fellow man and tolerance of all the other characteristics that make all of us "different" in some way.
* I think the accomplishments of a career are so much more personally rewarding when ethical behavior has been in play.
* Happiness is a solo flight - each person decides the state of happiness or despair and needs help sometimes. 
* Human nature requires reward for effort, so be generous with your employees and people that provide you with services. It will be a personally rewarding gesture.

And finally...
* It's so easy to be nice - be nice!

I feel fortunate that in my life I have people like this cross my path. They have a lot to teach me about life and living it the right way. I love people and getting to know all kinds of people. And I love the challenge that this piece of writing has given me...the challenge to be nice. It seems so simple but there are plenty of times that I can't believe the things that are coming out of my mouth or even just the thoughts that swirl in my head about others, but particularly about me. My head is polluted! The time has come...it's time to be nice. Anyone care to join me?

Great weekend...ready for the week!

After my crazy week last week I feel like I'm finally back to normal. I had a great weekend and got a lot done as well as had some good quality time with some good quality people. LOVE that I have the friends that I have. That is worth so much to me. I love spending time with people that genuinely care about me and my happiness.

I didn't work out much last week at all since I didn't feel all that great and then I had some scheduling conflicts. So I basically only got in 3 workouts - one HIIT, one hammies and glutes workout, and one blading session. I was going to train yesterday but the weather was too beautiful NOT to put on my blades and hit the pavement. Well, not literally hit the pavement...although I HAVE done that in the past...several times! That's why I won't blade without a helmet or bike without one either. I've gone down hard but luckily never landed on my head.

So this week it's back on track and back to eating right as well. I hit the farmers market over the weekend so I have veggies and fruits that should work very well for my eating pleasure. Hey! Speaking of eating pleasure...does anyone know what's going on with the price of tilapia? It seems to be very expensive these days IF you can find it. Is there less and is it more expensive? And if so does anyone know why? Also along the food lines, I made some chocolate protein muffins today that I will be posting the recipe for either today or tomorrow. They're so tasty!

So here's to another great week. Hope it's great for all of you as well! Cruising right along in August! Woohoo!

Yippee! Back in the Land of the Living!

Oh my goodness! Being sick makes you sooooo appreciative of your health, job, life, love...everything...need I go on?!? I was dealt a DOOZY of a sickness...FOUR days and mostly out of it. Really just on my couch, in my bed but mostly out of it. I did NOT feel good! I should have logged my food but it went something like this:
Friday - 4 saltines, banana, 1 cup water
Saturday - 8 saltines, 1 slice white bread, banana, 1-2 cups water, 2 spoons white rice, 2 pieces of Kalbi (Korean BBQ beef for those that don't know) b/c beef was what I kept craving!
Sunday - more saltines, more white bread, more banana, Gatorade, more water, more white rice, more Kalbi, yogurt
Monday - back to Saturday's menu more or less

Yeah...that was an awesome mealplan! Ha! NOT! Now this is where most people would get excited. I'm SURE I lost weight because I'm SURE I was both dehydrated AND underfed. However, losing weight in this way is really not a great idea. Losing weight is NOT equal to losing fat!

At any rate, I'm back in action now and had a good workout yesterday and a fairly good HIIT workout on Tuesday night. I was surprised when I went to work out yesterday that there were 3 other girls in the free weight area. I think that's the most I've ever seen in there at one time. It was great to see. :-)

I have a couple of posts I'm working on that I'll get to over the next few days. I love life. It's not always easy but I have a great appreciation for life and all you learn along the way. I think of all I've experienced and I have to say that my life is pretty doggone good. Yes, I have struggles in love, money, relationships, career, etc. but that's life, isn't it? Where are we without struggles? "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger", right? And, honestly, I don't enjoy the struggles as I'm going through them but when I sit back and reflect, I'm grateful for the struggles because they give life meaning and purpose. And they make the experience of living so much richer and deeper.

Hope you are all having a fantastic week! Keep a smile on your face as we cruise on into the weekend.

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." ~Unknown