Are you in or are you out?

I'M IN! ALL IN!

So, here's the deal. As you all know since you read my every word and every post (no, really, I'm kidding here!) I have a new plan. And for the first two weeks I was in...100% on! Or was it 95%? Can't remember but I do remember that I felt good and the plan was good. Actually I think that was for the first three weeks or so. Elbow was healing and I was starting full body workouts. But then somewhere along the way around the end of the third week into the fourth week I started losing direction, had some emotional/financial stress and to be honest, diet was probably only about 70% on. And then I got sick! Sooooo not fun! And then I got better...so much fun! So I was running on the "I feel so alive, happy, well" adrenaline that I was going to go out and conquer the world. And it was back to the gym for a couple of workouts and then I missed one because of a prior commitment, missed another one for some other reason (can't even remember) and I was just off my game...just like that *poof* my magic faded!

Well fast forward to yesterday. I was back on track in a big way. In fact, these were my meals yesterday:
1) Yogurt with berries and nuts
2) Chocolate Protein Muffins with 1 tablespoon peanut butter
3) 3 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 1/2 cup oatmeal, zucchini, shallots and tomatoes
4) 1 slice Ezekiel raisin bread with 1 tablespoon coconut oil, 1 bell pepper
5) 1/2 cup brown rice, 4 oz shrimp
6) Yam Protein Smoothie w/ 3 oz yams

See...quite a good food day, I must admit. And then today happened. Off to a great start and then on a slippery slope downhill. How and why? I'm not sure but I'll tell you only this...I zipped up my belly fat in my pants zipper today! Yep! That was nothing if not depressing! Seriously? Could someone PLEASE tell me who does that?!?

So my meals today looked a little scary:
1) Matcha Protein Shake, 1 cup spelt flakes cereal, 8 cashews
2) 1 cup Voskos 2% yogurt, 1 cup mixed berries, stevia, 11 almonds
3) 2 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 1 andouille chicken sausage, zucchini, tomatoes
4) 2 slices Ezekiel cinnamon bread with 1 1/2 tablespoons coconut oil
5) ...this is where it gets scary...some cashews, some cocoa roasted almonds, some dry roasted peanuts...and then I thought I better eat dinner and even though I had cooked shrimp ready to go...this is what I had...
Dinner: 1 bowl (most likely about 2 cups) of Puffins cinnamon cereal and about 15 almonds w/ almond milk
Dessert followed since that wasn't really dessert, and it was 1 more slice of Ezekiel cinnamon raisin bread with more coconut oil!

Now I know this is a very impressive meal plan and one most of you would like to emulate. But you can't have it, it's mine.

So while wallowing in self-pity and talking to my BF and BFF (hahaha - I soooo don't like that term) on separate conversations and both of them telling me that I know what I need to do, I had to step back and ask myself if I DID indeed know what I'm supposed to do. Do you know what the answer is? It's yes, a resounding yes! I guess I really do know what I need to do. I have to incorporate my plan and stick to it 95% on diet and 100% on workouts. So with this realization came the fact that I am the only one that is in charge of me and my body and I had to ask myself the question that is the title of this post...AM I IN OR AM I OUT?!? And I'm in! So...that's it! Starting tomorrow I'm in 100%. For one month I'm following MY meal plan and MY workout plan and MY rest and recovery plan because that, my dear friends, is what absolutely has to be done.

Do I think I have some metabolic damage? Yes. I would say that pretty much everyone I know that has ever done a competition has either some form of metabolic damage OR some form of body dysmorphia. I think I have a fine combination of both. After one month of full compliance I will reevaluate and see where I stand, check my mental stability and see how I feel. If I feel like I'm still holding an unusual amount of fat and/or not losing fat I will have to reconsider my plan, make a few tweaks and then try again for 2-4 weeks. At that point, if I still feel like I'm holding fat and I feel "gross" like I do now, then and only then, will I get some blood tests to determine if there's something more going on.

So, as the saying goes...

Who's with me here? Can I get a whoop whoop?!? Let's do this thing!! Join me and Luther! We're going to have a PARTY and there ain't no stopping us now!!